from asses to fucks (brought to you by My Kid Said That)
This post is rated PG-13 for language.
I am not uptight about vocabulary in our house. My kids are allowed to say swear words at home as long as they are not being mean or disrespectful. They know not to use that kind of language at school or in public for the most part. We do avoid music and videos that have a preponderance of cussing because it just isn’t necessary. We discuss language openly so they will have an understanding that goes beyond just following rules. I just overheard this conversation between my sons who are 8 and 10.
10yo: If you call someone a jackass, you are just calling them a donkey.
8yo: What is the word for a female dog?
10yo: Bitch. And if someone says you are bitching, it means you are whining like a female dog.
8yo: A lot of bad words to call people are just names for animals.
10yo: I don’t even want to know what a fuck is.
8yo: Maybe it’s some kind of a dodo bird.
10yo: *sing-song* Let’s go look at the fucks.
When it comes to kids and colorful vocabulary what is your parenting policy? What about you personally? Are you offended by profanity? Or, like me, not bothered by it at all as long as it is not hurtful? Where do you draw the line?
112 comments on “from asses to fucks (brought to you by My Kid Said That)”
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I literally laughed out loud when I read this. My kids know all the “bad words”, I’m sure they learned them from me. Our rule is no name calling. Times of frustration are generally acceptable (my two year old says goddamnit when he stubs his toe or drops something for instance. I don’t anticipate that mother of the year trophy any time soon). But I teach them that using those words have consequences. Maybe not in our house, but if they choose to cuss at school, probably a different story.
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Imagining two year old’s saying goddamnit just warms my heart. Sorry, not sorry, to anyone who thinks that is wrong. I don’t put up with name calling either. It really comes down to intention. If the words are expressive without being hurtful, then it is cool with me. I’m so glad this made you laugh, that is good. 😀
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I have mixed feelings. Our kids are still pretty little so we haven’t had too many four-lettered words come out of kids’ mouths yet but I’m sure it’s coming. On one hand I feel like they are just words BUT they can get your kid into a heap of trouble if they use them in the wrong company.
I imagine we’ll keep a no-bad-words policy while they are still little and adjust as needed as they begin to understand the words, what they can mean and what they can do in the wrong company.
I also don’t like the idea of them becoming lazy in speech. I can’t stand hearing teenagers running their mouths but not saying anything at all. I wouldn’t mind a curse to punctuate a point but I don’t want them to be a crutch that keeps them from adequately expressing themselves.
(And I LOVE that conversation that your kids had. I think it’s great they are actually talking about the words and not using them blindly. SO funny!)
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There ARE no BAD words, only BAD ways to use certain words. My kids are never allowed to swear at someone and name calling is frowned upon in our house. Plus, with all my permissiveness, I’ve seriously never heard them swear in exclamation even, only conversations like the above.
I think it is wise to be flexible about things like this because the world and it’s issues and controversies are never just black and white. I want my kids to really THINK about the reasons behind our actions, not just blindly follow rules.
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This article and all the comments were so enlightening. I learnt to swear from my Dad but my hubby hates it. I say fuck alot when I hurt myself, which is often because I am clumsy. I think that if I had kids it wouldn’t bother me as long as it’s not swearing at someone. I would think if you angry at a person using your words to explain the problem would be better but that doesn’t mean you can’t let out a good “fuck” or “bitch” every now again. I call my toaster the stupid bitch every time the temperamental thing burns my toast but my pet peeve is hearing women referred to as bitches or the C*** word. I hate that C*** word.
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How long have you been married? Maybe he’ll get used to it. I’m glad you read the comments too. The comments people share on the Honking Goose are just as interesting as my posts a lot of the time, I think.
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hahah I love this. It made me laugh.
When I was a child my parents woudln’t use bad words when I was around and they always told me not to use it. I heard them swear a couple of times and I stll hear them now, but they are always mindful of what they say.
I, on the other hand, never learned not to swear. I use it in both languages I know left and right. I just feel that it’s better to cuss and to release your anger this way than keep everything inside of you. I guess, despite my parents’ careful politics, I have never learned anything.
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I never swear at people, just at things or situations, which I think is perfectly acceptable. I would be fine with my kids following in my footsteps as far as that goes.
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I find little offense unless used offensively. However my wife and the mostly Christian circles we run in are offended by certain words and so I tend to refrain from their use. I’m guessing my son will hopefully learn that there’s some leeway when it’s just him and i, but being deliberately hurtful, demeaning, offensive or rude is never okay, and some things are ok to say but better unsaid (or liquids undrunk) around others who might have their consciences or sensibilities hurt by cerain words and phrases.
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I completely agree.
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We’re not really into censorship. I grew up without much of it, and The Mister grew up in one of those houses where everyone had to be polite and well-dressed and godly all the time, but especially on Sundays.
We’re pretty swear-y. I have a blog post entitled “We Say Fuck A Lot,” which should give you a clue as to how I feel about swearing.
The little kids don’t much swear, but the older two do now and again. It’s more than appropriate to say one’s history teacher is a fucking buffoon, when by all accounts, he’s a fucking buffoon.
I’ve always thought my children were smart enough not to cuss at school or in the company of their godly grandparents, and I’ve been right.
I do enjoy how my son was about 10 when he informed my husband’s mother, “There are no bad words, just words used badly.”
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Smart kid. That is, almost word for word, what I have said myself.
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We swear, and our children swear but they cannot be mean, derogatory, and there are some words I will not allow, the c*** word for example. When we have company, say my uncle, our kids are polite and their vocabulary is perfect. They know there is a place and time, and being respectful.
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That sounds reasonable and similar to what we do.
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No children in my house but I am lenient with younger cousins and other family members. As long as they are not offending anybody or in public places.
I recently read research from psychologists who said people who swear are more honest…I don’t know if they included children though
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Hmm, interesting. Thanks for sharing that. I’m permissive about language, but my kids don’t swear, I just hear them having conversations like the above or they’ll ask me questions. But I don’t tolerate name calling.
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Clever kids…a flock of fucks, lol. My kids were not allowed to use profanity when they were young, but there wasn’t much to do about it when they got to high school. Now they talk like sailors or merchant marines. They’re just words so long as they are not used as weapons or indiscriminately.
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Considering how permissive I’ve been, I can’t think of a single time my kids have use profanity in exclamation. I just hear them talking about using those words, like the above conversations. I’m sure that will change when they reach high school. lol
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Yep, a lot changes when they get in high school.
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Just ditto. Love this!
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😀
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It really makes me uncomfortable to hear kids use these words at a time when they should be building a good vocabulary. I really don’t have a problem with profanity except it is really overused today. The point of profanity is to shock or make a point if overused it really loses it’s punch. I do use it but try to not make it a staple of my speech.
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Well, as you can tell from reading my story, my kids weren’t using language to shock or make a point, they were just discussing definitions. Which is exactly the kind of educational discussion that can take place in a household that is open-minded and not uptight about language.
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I agree, one should not curse just to curse. Removing mystique tends to deter cursing at inappropriate times.
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I try not to cuss but if I get mad enough the whole neighborhood will hear it and I use almost every word in the book. This is something I’m working on though. I personally don’t like hearing it and am trying to stop myself. It didn’t used to bother me which is how I got in the habit.
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I tend to let them slip when I stub my toe or drop a dish. The moment passes quickly.
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I’ve had those moments too. I think everyone does at times though. It was a good subject to talk about. People usually skip over those types of issues but they’re just as important to talk about. Good job for bringing it up. 🙂
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I’m glad you think so, I do too. Thanks for your comments.
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We adopted, and our kids (then 5 and 7 yrs old) arrived knowing pretty much all the words. Our family’s perspective (borrowed from Will Smith’s grandmother) is that using those words is lazy, inaccurate and not creative. If you really mean, “You’re making me angry because you won’t let me do what I want and I feel like kicking you because I’m so mad,” say that, and we can address the actual issue. If you say, “You’re a bitch,” and walk away, nothing is resolved. Also, the kids know that they can ask if they want an honest explanation of the words.
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And, I forgot to mention; that conversation between your kids was hilarious.
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I thought so too. I had to laugh inside.
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Yep, I remember hearing that about Will Smith’s grandmother, too. I had a Fresh Prince themed birthday party one year in about 6th or 7th grade. 🙂
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In my house, growing up, my sister and I were allowed to cuss when we hurt ourselves, because sometimes only certain words would accurately represent the amount of pain you were in. Like damn was “I slammed my finger in the door” and fuck was “We need to go to the hospital.” We knew exactly what words we could or couldn’t say, when we could use them, and why those words were perceived as bad or wrong.
By the time I was five I could probably cuss in at least three different languages, and I was always allowed to cuss in a language no one around me knew…just in case I got hurt at recess.
I think you’re doing it right, because communication is key. Kids aren’t dumb and putting out a blanket generalization like ‘those words are bad, and you can’t say them’ just makes them want to say them even more…just not when you’re around.
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Like damn was “I slammed my finger in the door” and fuck was “We need to go to the hospital.” — I really like that a lot. Very practical. A mom likes to immediately what kind of response is needed. I hadn’t thought of teaching them words in other languages. I’m pretty sure any profanity I know in Spanish or French is going to be well understood by most people around here anyway. 😀
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We were a little taken aback the other night while babysitting our 3 year old grandson. He couldn’t get a musical toy to turn off and casually said “fuck you” to the toy. We were a little surprised, but kept on truckin’ (and that’s truckin’ with a T) 🙂
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Hee hee, when they’re that little, you know it’s not remotely their fault, they are just learning by imitation, the same way they learn everything. It’s precious! 😀
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” Let’s go look at the fucks.”>> Hilarious!
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😀
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My Grandmother let me speak my mind and say what I felt. So cursing was nothing in my house growing up. After a few spastic events with my husband the first time he came home off deployment to a cursing 8 year old we agreed to do the same thing with our son. He needs to learn appropriate language for different situations. I curse like a sailor personally, but not around everyone. He needs to learn the same thing. He’s 16 now and I pretty much only hear him curse when he’s playing video games.
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I curse like my Mama taught me. 😉
I think I can see this coming up with playing video games with my kids too as they get a little older.
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Hahaha. I am a Sailor, I have the vocabulary of one and if my children said a bad weird it would be hypocritical of me to reprimand them as I am probably the source! However it is discouraged lol thanks for the follow, I hope my two boys make me laugh as much as yours did. 🙂
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Yep, I have to say, my kids heard most of those words from me, first. Not the B-word, but probably every other one. Whoops!
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I’m so glad you asked. I grew up in a home of verbally abusive people. So, you can imagine my disdain for vulgar language. That being said. I find nothing wrong with words many consider curse words as long as the person(s) saying them aren’t directing toward me like they’re cursing me. I do not like when people being ugly and mean use any kind of language/words to bully others.
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Yeah, we definitely never use those words against each other. It is the way it is used that could make something ‘bad’, that not being inherent in the word itself. Someone could make another person feel horrible without using any profanity too and that also would be wrong.
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My point exactly!
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Good point. I often clarify by saying, ‘I’m bitching to you, not at you’.
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Good point @hessiafae
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I have a 7 month old, and my husband is constantly nagging me to quit saying all cuss words. We don’t really agree on this subject. He was raised Christian and went to Christian school and was taught from birth that those are bad words and you should never say them. I was raised as nothing and therefore have no qualms about saying the word “shit” if I feel like it. I kind of agree with you in the sense that they are going to hear the words whether I say them or not, and I should be the one that teaches her how to use them, rather than TV or expletive rap songs. I want her to have a broad vocabulary to express herself, “bad words” included.
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Since profane literally means unholy, heathen, or pagan, and I am not Christian, I basically think all language I use could be considered profanity. So I don’t draw any lines in the sand when it comes to individual words. Its all in the way it is used.
I think it would be beneficial for people to really examine why they believe certain words are off-limits, or appropriate only for grown-ups to use. Where do those beliefs come from? That sort of thing. And not follow a habit just because ‘that’s the way it is’.
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My kids, who are 18, 17 and 10 would tell you that they have heard all of their parents (steps and natural) swear from time to time. It’s funny when they are really small and say it, because you know they heard it from you and are mirroring. I allow my older kids to express themselves as they wish, as long as they are not doing it in anger or with raised voices. I try to get them to think about what they want to express and find the appropriate vocabulary (it’s the writer in me). So, I cannot stand it, however, they use filler words, and the word “like” is the absolute worse. It’s almost as bad as the “pants on the ground” phase they went through. Oye!
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I haven’t heard that one ‘pants on the ground’ – is that something young people say or was that something your kids made up? What does it mean?
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That was a reference to a man who sang a song by that name on America’s Got Talent a couple of years ago, making fun of the kids who wear their pants below their butts. “Pants on the ground. Pants on the Ground. Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.” It is quite a catchy song. lol
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Actually, it was American Idol, and yes, I remember that, too!
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I agree with you and have the same policy
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😀
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My Husband is from the Netherlands. It’s a cultural thing to be able to say what you need to say with no taboos. He thinks we Americans are very uptight. They are allowed to drink in the house at a very young age. First drink 12-13, shandy, 0.5%, it is like 7up and in green bottles. This year the drinking age was changed from 16, now it’s 18 years old. The first time I watched TV in the Netherlands it was about sex education and OMG! Commercials nudity is not an issue. If the subject or word is taboo, you are going to hear about it, in your face no polite beating around the bush. No taboos!
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I think Americans are too uptight, for sure. Sounds like I would fit in pretty well in the Netherlands. I have been to Amsterdam actually, but I was high the whole time and didn’t watch any TV.
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In my Buddhist studies and practice, which a large part is on the virtues. Cursing represents a coarse mind state. Which, will block a person from moving into the higher states of mind like the Jhanas/dhyanas. I still curse but not at retreat and only for punctuation 😉 I’ve been knocking about the Buddhist Dharma circus for 20ish years. A saying that keeps coming up, “Stop trying to carpet the world and put some shoes on!” The Dutch take responsibility for their feelings. If you feel insulted by something deal with it, these are your feelings and emotions, don’t make someone else take care of it. I really like the Dutch, they are so easy going and fun to be around, very comfy-cozy. My Dutch family don’t curse a lot or do drugs even though their laws and social taboos aren very easy going.
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That is an interesting point of view (Buddhist) which I wasn’t aware of. I totally honor and respect that belief. To each their own. I honestly believe I am not in a ‘coarse mind state’ when I use language some consider profanity. But I use swear words in exclamation generally, not out of anger. Well, let me think about that. I might be angry at a situation for a moment and yeah, I guess I would be in a coarse mind state then, but use of cursing at those times seems to relieve the tension and allow me to relax. Like meditation. 😀
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I only know a few Buddhist teachers who probably can curse with complete equanimity-upekkha. ❤ My practice is to stay calm no matter what people say. That's been my goal throughout my practice. You could go all day being pissed off, that's no way to live. Let people say what they want or need to say and stay with equanimity. Plus trying to put taboos on speech in the end shuts everyone up. There goes everyone's freedoms! People are so polite in the Netherlands but cursing is not taboo. I remember people used to be very polite here in America. Maybe all these politically correct rules have made everyone even ruder? However Netherlands is getting the disease, they had to change a character in their Christmas myths who is blackened by climbing through chimneys. They had to make him white so as not to offend colored people.
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It can be hard to find the right line in between free speech and respect for everyone. I feel like society is working towards it though, maybe with baby steps, but making progress all the same. Which is pretty promising.
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I just noticed you said you were high…hahaha ❤ I've been to the Netherlands so many times and never hit the coffee shops. My family loves, beer, scotch, and rum/cola…
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I was 20, it was a different stage of my life. 🙂
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Words like ass did not bother me but I did wrinkle my brow at my kid. A word like fuck would have gotten him a slap in the mouth and a serious time out. My kids are currently 52,51, and 47. They survived the abuse well.
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I just don’t understand punishing a kid for using a word they learned from grown-ups. Doesn’t make sense to me.
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To each his own.
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Amen, sister! Or should I say “honk!” 🙂 It gets my hackles up when people start with “some things are acceptable for adults, but not for kids.” That double standard just burns my ass. I mean, it’s really fucked up. 🙂
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That’s right!
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Kids are going to use “language” anyway. It’s much better when they do it around you so you know how they sound.
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With how permissive I have been, you’d think my kids might use swear words in exclamation sometimes, but I really can’t think of one time they have. Instead they have conversations like the above, where they are just talking about what the words mean.
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I use to cuss like a sailor, I always heard my mom do it and it never bothered me. But when I met my future husband i noticed that he would get a certain look on his face when I would cuss, it was embarrassment. So I startwd to guard my words a little and soon I wasnt cussing at all. Now 14 years later it sounds awful to hear, my 11 year old has slipped up once and said something I kinda laughed and just said I didnt want to hear it again.
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I’ve really shocked my husband (not lately, but earlier in our relationship) and co-workers with my strong language. Not because they are offended by the words themselves, but for some reason they don’t expect them coming from gentle, soft-spoken little me. Wake up call, people – you don’t know me until you’ve heard me cuss like my mama taught me, LOL.
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This was priceless! I like what you said here: “We discuss language openly so they will have an understanding that goes beyond just following rules.” I think that is an essential component of really teaching your children with a long-term perspective. In school, they are taught the concept, not just the procedure, so they know the why, not just the how. Thanks for the post!
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I wouldn’t even be mad if my kids did swear, like in exclamation, but I honestly can’t think of one time they have, in spite of me being so permissive. Mostly, I hear them have conversations like this, where they discuss the meanings of the words. Parenting for the #win
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I heard the *swoosh* in that last sentence 😉
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OH MY GOSH….
I can’t handle it…
that is so wrong and so wonderful!!!
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I’m just relieved my 10yo doesn’t know what fucks are, because as soon as he finds out, he’s going to tell his little brother, I can pretty much guarantee it. So I considered this a #parentingwin .
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Yes!!
Most definitely goes in the “win” file!!
Congrats on having a 10 year-old-boy who is still so wonderful innocent!!! I love it and pray my boys will be the same!!!
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When I was kid, it was never explicitly stated, but I was not supposed to swear. That kind of made cuss words a bit of a “forbidden fruit” and when I would use some (even just “crap” or “friggin'”) I would feel like a bad ass, lol. Even now if I swear in front of my parents (which happens more often than I’d like) I will occasionally get corrected. It also doesn’t help that I work in a mine. Language is contagious.
I think it should be addressed the same way as drinking alcohol for teens. When I got to high school my parents would buy my alcohol for me, to make sure I was getting it from a safe and controlled place. I would go out with a four pack of coolers and drink maybe two or three of them at a party. From my parents I learned the art of “social drinking” rather than “power drinking.” Now, I rarely ever drink, not because it was never allowed but because it was, and there is nothing new to “discover” about it.
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Funny that your parents took a teach by experience approach with alcohol, but not with language. I just think people should examine the reasons behind such cultural practices. Profanity (profane) literally means unholy. But I am not religious so why would I have a need to separate words into categories, some of which are holy and some not?
When my kids were really little, like Kindergarten and 2nd grade, they would come home from school with things like, “you can’t say crap, it’s a bad word” and I would butt in and say, “crap is not a bad word, guys, it means poop, everybody does it.”
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And that makes sense to me! As I got a little older my parents became much more lenient with “not so bad” words … like my examples of “crap” or “friggin'” lol. Eventually even “shit” was tolerated. But the way they saw it, those are “adult” words and not for children.
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And then there was my seventh grade science teacher, who told the class with a straight face that the correct word is “feces” and that, if you’re angry, you can just say that and it will have just as much effect as “that other word.” Is it too late to call bullshit on that?
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Lol. I’m a kid so I dunno but I mean to us, we don’t really mean the cuss words we say but to adults they take it seriously so I dunno
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I take it seriously, too. As in, a seriously appropriate way to express myself sometimes when no other word will do. 🙂
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Lol 🙂
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we have no set rules about swearing in our house,for reasons all his own our son makes a conscious effort not to swear, my wife seldom swears unless she is rip roaring mad (at me usually lol), I still swear but tone it down alot, for me it depends who I am around at the time.
I am neither for it or against it , most kids will swear anyway and will use it when they are adults
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Above story notwithstanding, my kids are way more reserved about swearing than I am. They just absorb this idea from the dominant culture (largely from school) that there are ‘bad words’. I caution them against that kind of black and white thinking.
And teach, by example, appropriate times and places for a good curse word, LOL.
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You are my child-language kindred spirit! I have the same policy. One, I have a very strong belief in the freedom of speech, and want to instill that in my Little Man (Like you with your kids, we have also discussed when and where we should be more thoughtful about our word choices, as well as considering general politeness.). Two, I want him to always feel that he can be perfectly free to tell me anything, anytime. This will be more and more important as he gets older, I think. And three, I think people focus far too much on swear words, and far too little on the context in which they’re said or the actions of people, which is far more important in my opinion. That being said, he uses them only occasionally, and they are surprisingly well-suited for the occasions.
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I completely agree. I care way more about my kids believing they can ask or tell me anything. I’m really fascinated by language and the way it is constantly changing to suit the speakers of it. I really would like people to think rationally about the idea that a specific word is labeled a ‘bad word’. To me, there can’t be any such thing as a ‘bad word’, it always comes down to context and usage. I honestly think it is irresponsible to teach young people that a set of words are ‘bad words’.
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Well, this is strictly up to the parents. I think most folks would disagree with your policy but that is none of their business nor mine. In time they will use the language anyway. 😉
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I believe people can be so arbitrary about stuff like this. I just want to make choices that are well considered and rational.
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hahahaha—same at my house ❤
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The same conversation happened at your house?! WTF?! That is such a coincidence!
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One of my kids had a lisp until he was five. He couldn’t say T and would say F instead. The older kids would have him say truck which came out as Fuck…We had some really funny and uncomfortable citations, especially at church. I would just pick up the kid and leave. They all learned very quickly to keep their mouth shut if they wanted to go out and have some fun. I taught my kids the meaning of all words within their ability to understand as soon as they picked them up. They had to learn when and where they could say certain words. We lived on a farm so the fuck word was easy to explain. Just watch the pigs, ducks, cows and our bull, fuck…lolol…The hard part was trying to explain why these words can’t be used in public…No youtube at that time or I would of had them watch George Carlin…hahahah
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No foul words are allowed.
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Quack Quack 😛
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LOL
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Quack Quack?
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“foul” is also a term that means birds, ducks, chickens and the like
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I know about this.
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Oh, okay.
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Foul = offensive
Fowl = a bird kept chiefly for its eggs and flesh; a domestic cock or hen.
So, the original quack quack joke must’ve been applied to the pronunciation of the word?
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Whoops, I don’t know how that slipped past me. I know that! SMH! Thanks for amending that comment.
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I was mostly thinking out loud. I do that with words sometimes not really knowing the proper word to use. 😉
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I am glad you brought up “cock,” Kimberly. That is an interesting word as well. Growing up, my father recited poems with lines like “the cock crows at dawn” and “who killed Cock Robin?” I always assumed it had something to do with “cock-a-doodle-do,” but I still thought it was a pretty funny, considering that, in our culture, it is the Yiddish word for “shit.” It was many, many years later before I learned of certain other meanings of the word.
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lol … Yes!
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I was teasing, hence the tongue out…I guess this isn’t funny for you. Sorry for cursing ❤
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Ok
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What makes a word ‘foul’ though? Is it the context? Because saying ‘ass’ in talking about an animal (donkey) is okay right? But not okay to call someone an ‘ass’ right? Are there words that are inherently bad, or is there just bad ways to use words? What do you think?
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Of course, it is bad to say so of others. f*** s*** and other words. Sorry to say that I hate to hear those words. And I can’t stand such words.
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All I’m trying to get at is WHY can’t you stand such words, what is it about certain words that makes them offensive? Is it the word itself? Or is it the context?
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The words and its context to look down on people. Thanks for asking.
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