The Honking Goose

something to honk about

I know I said Halloween is great, but I lied, it is EVIL

I expressed some pretty strong opinions in my post Halloween is better than Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I take it all back now. Here’s the thing, I’m just trying to do something good for my children’s health by eating some of their Halloween candy for them when they are asleep/at school. But I think I’m getting hooked on the stuff. It’s addictive, but not in a good way. I have come to the conclusion that:

Halloween candy is EVIL and therefore, Halloween is EVIL, too.

Halloween candy haul

pure EVIL incarnate

I implore you all to give up celebrating this most altruistic of holidays so that I do not have to exert the will power necessary to not eat dozens of bite-sized fruity or chocolatey treats at this time of year. It is bad. I’m stealing from my own children. I’m causing harm to the temple that is my body. Help me out here, people, I can’t control myself!

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50 comments on “I know I said Halloween is great, but I lied, it is EVIL

  1. PsiFiGal
    November 6, 2014

    I don’t know if you’ve seen them or if anyone has told you about them, there are videos on YouTube, TV host Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to tell their kids they ate all of their halloween candy and video the results… Sooooo funny!

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 7, 2014

      I have – pretty funny – although some of them are downright cringe worthy.

      Like

  2. Pingback: I know I said Halloween is evil, but I lied, it is a BLESSING | The Honking Goose

  3. onehundredtwentythreedays
    November 6, 2014

    Just throw it away. Seriously. Tell your kids you will buy movie passess or make cup cakes (vegan & low sugar) with them instead!

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 6, 2014

      I offered them money, like a sizable amount, last year and they refused. They feel like they have worked for and earned that candy. But I am not giving in or giving up, I am plotting destruction even as I type these words!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Kerri as Herself
    November 6, 2014

    I usually justify this by saying to myself “Well if I just eat EVERYTHING now then it’s all gone and I can be skinny again” . Joyful ignorance

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 6, 2014

      They seriously brought home SO MUCH candy. If I ate it all, I would probably die. I will have to find another way…

      Like

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  6. osarobohenry
    November 6, 2014

    I thank you for taking such a bold step. I made the same mistake also. I thank God for speaking to you that Halloween is evil. The following verses will be of help; Deuteronomy 18 : 9 – 14; Romans 12 : 2 ; 3 John 1 : 11; Ephesians 5 : 11; 1 Corinthians 10 : 21; 1 Samuel 28 : 3 – 18. I pray that God’s blessings and protection should be upon you and family in the name of Jesus Christ.

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 6, 2014

      I’m not taking a bold step. I’m making a mockery of the holiday because candy filled with GM high fructose corn syrup and artificial colors is truly bad for our health.

      From what I know the Bible was written by men, not by God, and it is misinformed and possibly dangerous to take it’s passages literally. Exodus 21:7-11 describes the conditions under which it is acceptable for a man to sell his daughter into slavery. There is no way that should be taken literally today. If people begin to pick and choose which Bible passages are to be interpreted literally and which not, well isn’t that just people bending the good book to their own will? And if the holy Bible cannot transcend time and history to be applicable to people today then what good is it?

      Furthermore, I’m offended by Bible passages which demonize witchcraft. And I’m appalled that people even today still think of witches and witchcraft as evil because of Christian tenets against it. Witches were and are women with knowledge of herbs, healing, and magic. These are beautiful, powerful tools given to people by Mother Nature and should be honored and revered.

      Like

      • osarobohenry
        November 6, 2014

        Each and everyone is free to believe what he or she feel is right which depends on the understanding we have concerning the word of God which is the bible. One thing I have to tell you is that, just pray that God should give you the understanding of His word. Witchcraft is evil and there is nothing beautiful and powerful about it.

        Like

        • thehonkinggoose
          November 6, 2014

          You are wrong. With time, you will open yourself to the knowledge that is freely available via the internet and the library and your own community and you will get educated.

          The words in the Bible are those of men. The fact that they have been many times translated from the original passages into language that people can understand and relate to today is proof enough.

          Like

          • osarobohenry
            November 6, 2014

            You cannot say I am wrong just as I cannot tell you that you are wrong either because you are speaking or writing from the perspective you know and I am speaking or writing from the understanding I have from my own perspective as well. Yes, the bible has been translated but that does not make it to loose the power that is in it. As I wrote earlier, we are in a free world and even God did not force anyone to love and accept Him according to the bible neither will I force you to go against what you feel and believe about the word of God. Invite the Holy Spirit into your life. Who wrote what is in the internet as you said?

            Like

            • thehonkinggoose
              November 6, 2014

              You know who wrote the words on the internet? People. Men and women. You know who wrote the words in the Bible? Men only. The Bible is only as reliable as the men who wrote it and the people who translated it after. And if everyone is free to interpret it to the best of their ability then it has not real power of it’s own.

              I can say you are wrong, I just did. You are wrong in your conviction that witchcraft is evil, it is no such thing.

              We are all living and learning. I’m wrong too, about lots of things. I freely admit it. I am open to change. I want to change and learn and grow. I will never stop and stagnate until the day I die. I will never believe anything without being open to the possibility of learning something that could change my beliefs. I take the spirit of inquiry with me wherever I go. That is why I am free.

              Like

  7. Aahilic Aish
    November 6, 2014

    The only part of Halloween i love is…. Candies…. fullll and full of them, especially addictive if i get a migraine, which i usually do! Lol!

    Like

  8. Mercy McCulloch Hasselblad
    November 5, 2014

    You are so self-sacrificial… seriously, though, I have that problem, too, even when Iwas a kid and the candy was one of my siblings’. I had a REALLY hard time not stealing it… I think we all did. If candy was anywhere in the house, it would slowly disappear even if it was under lock and key. My mom had to hide the chocolate chips or they would disappear before she ever made cookies. We are all chocolate addicts…

    Liked by 1 person

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 6, 2014

      I have one kid that is really good at making the stuff last forever and one kid that is just the opposite. I don’t even know which of those tendencies is healthier. My kids know better than to eat ‘my’ chocolate chips, but my husband, well, that’s a different story…. πŸ™‚

      Like

  9. Self control is overrated when it comes to food. What’s much more important is to create the capacity for your body to burn all of those cals before they turn to excess fat. A little is good and healthy. Actually, humans are not too shabby at storing fat before it becomes a health problem (ca. 25% body weight in men, up to 35% in women). Just make Halloween a ritual that opens the winter gym-season πŸ™‚ and you will love it again

    Liked by 1 person

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 6, 2014

      I’m not even worried about excess fat for myself or my children, we are blessed with high metabolism. And I don’t do gym workouts, though I do try to have a healthy active lifestyle. I’m more worried about the genetically modified corn syrup solids and artificial colors and flavors. That stuff is trying to kill us and we must fight back and kill it first! πŸ˜‰

      Like

  10. Tilting Up
    November 5, 2014

    My kid has outgrown the door-to-dooring, but we still ended up with a bunch of the evil stuff when he found it for half off at the grocery store the day after. And there it sits all day while he is at school, just taunting me. Thanks for reminding me.

    Like

  11. divorcedandsingleblog
    November 5, 2014

    A mother will go an extra mile to keep her children safe and healthy

    Like

  12. Marissa Bergen
    November 5, 2014

    Mmmmph…I completely agree (said through mouthfuls of delectable chocolate).

    Like

  13. theanimekpopblogger270
    November 5, 2014

    Lmao the things u do for ur kids but candy is candy isn’t gonna kill chu so u musttttt!!!!for ur kidsszzzz

    Like

  14. adventurejennie
    November 5, 2014

    Hey, if it helps you send me the candy. I’ll uh.. Keep an eye on it for you..

    Like

  15. cllgarrison
    November 5, 2014

    I think when my daughter is old enough to trick-or-treat, I’m going to make up rules. Such as you are only allowed to go to two houses when you’re two, and one additional house every year and tell them it’s the law or something lol… And if they eat more than two pieces per day Santa won’t bring them what they want for Christmas.

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 5, 2014

      I’ve heard of parents giving their kids money in exchange for most or all of the candy, but when I offered last year, my kids refused. :/ Maybe I’ll try again this year after they’ve enjoyed it for a while.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. John W. Howell
    November 5, 2014

    Save the TWIX for me. then toss the rest.

    Like

  17. dellymari
    November 5, 2014

    This really made me chuckle! Thank you. πŸ™‚

    Like

  18. John
    November 5, 2014

    Toss it in the bin, no worries!

    Like

  19. Dash McCallen
    November 5, 2014

    You have my sympathies, and I have the same issue with T’giving, Xmas, Easter (not to mention any other celebration that includes baked goods and family/friends getting together.) Halloween- right after the herald of the first pumpkins coming ripe. The candies around this house stay in the buckets and we throw them out every September. Pies on the other hand. Baked pumpkin bread, hot drinks and Octoberfest beers. Time to get out my fat pants. I have to strap on a larger sword to hide the larger body.

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 5, 2014

      Watch out when we get closer to X-mas, I will be ranting and raving all over the place. I have issues, too. πŸ™‚

      Like

  20. gh0stpupp3t
    November 5, 2014

    I love 3 Musketeers bars… I think that Hallowe’en is an excuse to gorge oneself with candy.

    Like

  21. Victo Dolore
    November 5, 2014

    You are soooo kind, saving the kids from the ravages of corn syrup and chocolate! You have inspired me to raid my own kids’ stashes!

    Like

  22. mjmsprt40
    November 5, 2014

    You might be on your own here. If the Evangelical Church hasn’t been able to stamp it out yet, and in fact even has alternative celebrations like “Trunk or Treat” so the children won’t have to go to strangers but instead go to other church-members cars for candy (think about that for a minute– the rest of the year we teach our kids NOT to accept candy from strangers, on Halloween night it’s OK to come up to my rather shady looking van and ask for candy) I doubt if asking the followers on your blog is going to make a significant difference.

    Besides, I have a weakness for Mars bars (munch munch).

    Like

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 5, 2014

      Not only might a lot of readers disagree with my edict, but I might not even agree with me! It’s so confusing!

      Like

  23. Bruce Thiesen
    November 5, 2014

    What a mother will do for her kids.

    Like

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This entry was posted on November 5, 2014 by in Unsolicited Advice and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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