The Honking Goose

something to honk about

following a young woman makes me feel like a creep


I followed a few more blogs today. I like to expand my horizons, explore, reach out and connect with peeps. But I have to admit, there is something a little weird and creepy about following a young woman.

yellow road sign surrounded by bushes shows stick figure walking in a cross walk

Oh, am I following you now?

What it does is, it reminds me too much of myself at that age. How naive and brave and passionate and sweet I was as a young thing. So when I start to read a post written by a young woman on her blog, I get this little jello-wiggle down in my tummy. And it sends a message back along neural pathways to my brain. The message arrives and it says “this is so wrong.” Like if I was standing outside her bedroom window at night looking in to the soft glow of her lamplight illuminating her lithe figure as she bends over her keyboard typing.

young woman sitting on her bed typing on a laptop

I see you

“This is so wrong.” I can’t help but think. I haven’t avoided those blogs entirely either, it makes me hesitate, but not stop. After all, I am not lurking with bad intentions. My only intention in following any blog that is new to me is to support, encourage, and bear witness to another’s journey. So why would I even question it? It is just a gut feeling, that’s all.

And maybe it is not entirely gender-specific. Perhaps I feel the same way about reading a young man’s blog. I think there is just far fewer of those, so I haven’t noticed as much. Plus I’m not a guy, so I don’t relate as immediately. But I do have sons, so those young men’s blogs will naturally remind me of my children.

Does anyone else feel this way about following certain people?

11/06/2016 Correction: Initially this post was titled “following a young woman makes me feel like a voyeur”. I was unaware that the word voyeur has such an explicitly sexual definition. That was not my intention. What I mean is something like that, but without the sexual connotation. I have not been able to (yet) find exactly the right word for what I am trying to communicate.

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21 comments on “following a young woman makes me feel like a creep

  1. Ya Ma Donkey
    November 6, 2016

    It could be multiple reasons, such as you feel reading the innermost thoughts of someone much younger to be intimate and personal and your like an old voyeur reading it.
    It could be you are somehow sexualising what they wrote (depending on the material) and that makes you feel guilty for having any kind of sexually charged thought about someone younger than who you are.
    Or you could actually have social anxiety and feel that you are being silently judged by the writer, even though they cannot see you reading. Something inside you is making you feel self-loathing that you feel they would project towards you if they knew you were reading their blog. As if you are judged by the person posting and they can somehow see through your screen and are snarling their lip at you in disgust.

    What you have to remember though, is that people blog publicly because they want to be read and are wanting their thoughts to be seen. That your 1 view means a million amazing things to them just as it does for you when you get 1 view from someone. If they didnt want the world to read their inner thoughts, they would make the blog private, or write in a personal diary/journal.
    So don’t feel bad for reading what they have wrote….. 99.9% chance they are pleased you did. What you need to think about is why you’re projecting these thoughts about yourself, and building up an insecurity of who you are and of guilt you build up within yourself, and trying to understand why that is and what causes it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 6, 2016

      Thank you for your thoughtful response. Are you are psychiatrist or a therapist? You seem to have some background in that area. Anyway, after reading your comment, I googled the word “voyeur” and was surprised to find out it does have an explicitly sexual meaning. Ooops. I’ve misused that word. What I mean is whatever that means, but without the sexual connotation. I’m still searching my own brain and the internet for the right word to replace it with.

      That doesn’t usually happen to me, I like to think that I’m pretty good with vocabulary, but not in this case, clearly. Now I think I have misrepresented my thoughts but hopefully most of my readers took it to mean what I used to think it meant!

      Like

      • Ya Ma Donkey
        November 7, 2016

        I think everyone knows it wasn’t meant to be a sexual thing, but it is one of just many things that could stir up the feelings you have, and only when you rule them out are you left with what it could possibly be.
        For what it is worth, you are very much NOT alone in how you feel. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lauren
    November 6, 2016

    Even as a young (ish) female blogger I feel the exact same way sometimes!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Norbert Haupt
    November 5, 2016

    No problem for me at all. They write because they want me to read what they write. That’s their whole point. They are probably honored that I spend my time reading them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • thehonkinggoose
      November 5, 2016

      Okay, that comment feels a little weird to me, too. But then, you could be like a Dad figure I guess. But when they write personal journaling type stuff, well, I wouldn’t want my Dad to read my journal. You might not be their target audience. Just sayin’. 😉

      Like

      • Norbert Haupt
        November 5, 2016

        No, I don’t mean it that way at all. Why in the world would a person publish a public blog and write their private journal? I don’t get it. If they do, it’s outright silly. If I am putting words down in a public blog, I expect them to be read, by people that follow me, for whatever reason, or by total strangers that googled the subject and stumbled upon the post. People don’t write stuff they would not want their dad to see on a public blog. It’s like writing a book. You can’t control who buys it once it’s on the shelves.

        I don’t particularly pay attention to how old people are that I may follow. I check their writing, their subject matter, and if I find it interesting enough that I may want to see more of what they write, I may follow – at least for a while. I never crossed my mind that I might be following “a young woman.” I follow a writer on a given subject.

        But then again, perhaps it’s just me. I have never thought of a blog as a journal. Goodness. That would be crazy.

        Liked by 1 person

        • thehonkinggoose
          November 5, 2016

          Okay, all your points are completely valid and true. I think you aren’t reading the type of blogs I’m referring to here anyway. Because I do come across blogs, when I am searching and discovering, that are written by very young people, often of the female gender, and they are revealing and sensitive and of a personal nature. Which can be good reading, depending on the writing. And in that case, good reading, good writing, enjoyable and rewarding yeah, like you say. And in other cases, it is …. oh, its hard to explain what I mean. Journaling though. That is exactly what it is. Young people these days! They’ve always had the internet and they know no different so (some of them) are putting it all out there, no filter, without caution. YouTube too. YouTube even more. My Goodness! The things young people are videoing themselves saying on that public forum. I’m not following anyone on YouTube, but that would undoubtedly feel 100 times more voyeuristic.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Norbert Haupt
            November 6, 2016

            That’s probably where the disconnect lies. I have no recollection ever reading such a blog. If for any reason I were to stumble upon it, I’d fade away within a few paragraphs and never come back. There would not be any value for me there. Now I understand why you were troubled by my comments.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. TheOriginalPhoenix
    November 5, 2016

    I don’t feel that way. I just can’t associate folk’s blogs with their physical selves. I just like to follow people because I love their writing and want easy access to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. insanitybytes22
    November 5, 2016

    LOL! Yes, I sometimes feel like a total stalker, prowling around in the rose bushes and peering in the windows.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. simplicity
    November 5, 2016

    Totally agree with your view. Most blogs I follow makes we wonder, damn, if only I could see what is going on in your head.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Yoshiko
    November 4, 2016

    Great to hear your honesty. Don’t worry. Following bloggers and stalking are two different matters. Following the bloggers attract us to the bloggers’ feelings.

    Like

  8. silkesmooth81
    November 4, 2016

    Totally get what you mean. Just that gut feeling one sometimes gets seeing, reading something, no matter who wrote it

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on November 4, 2016 by in Blogging and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .
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