state of mourning

Last night, when the results were still coming in, I was at work at the restaurant. As the results began to clarify, there was fear. The denial I was in left, and I felt scared. I could see fear in the eyes of my coworkers, my boss, the patrons. Today that fear turned to sadness for me.

I know many, many good friends who were crying and heartbroken this morning over the election results. I was instantly in tears myself when I realized that I needed to break the news to our children. We are in a state of mourning. Our loss is too great to describe.

We lost safety and security with this result. We lost faith and trust. We lost our balance. We lost our confidence. There is much we still have and all these things we’ve lost, we can gain back with time and a lot of hard work. But it will be a struggle.

I don’t have a television and I did not see, but clips, of either speech by Clinton or Trump. I do not know what the celebration by the Trump side looks like. All I see and feel is this massive heavy weight of sorrow among my closest people.

And that fear is still there, too. Because many people today are now questioning the place they have here within our society. We have legitimate reason to believe that not everyone is equal or welcome under this new presidency. What does that mean for us as a diverse nation of mostly immigrants and descendants of immigrants?

I am part Asian. I have family members who are black and hispanic. I have friends who are gay. I know someone who is transgender. I work with someone who is a citizen, but wasn’t born in this country.

A victory for Trump feels like hate and rejection to all these people, to me.

Yet, I don’t hate anyone that voted for Trump. I suspect I may know and care about more than one person who has done so. I don’t hate them for it. I love them. Because I would never say that I love all these people – all these Asians, blacks, Hispanics, gays, transgenders, immigrants – I would never say that I love them in spite of our differences. I don’t see any differences. We are all the same. We are all human. Same goes for anyone that voted for Trump. They are not any different than me. We are all human.

What is that saying? “To err is human. To forgive is divine.”

I am not divine. It is not my place to forgive anyone. We are all doing our best, with what we’ve been given in this life, I firmly believe that.

Mourning a great loss like this is a process. But we can’t step away from our lives and take time for it. In the midst of our sorrow we must face the hard work of making it better. I don’t feel ready yet, but there is no time to waste. We need to help each other. We need to protect each other. We need to be strong and brave. Now more than ever.