the problem with feminism
The problem with feminism is that it has accomplished very little in the way of #realfeminism. Primarily, what feminism has accomplished, is allowing women to succeed when they act like men. If women are tough and bossy, forgo child-rearing, make their career a priority, then they can have something American society calls “success”. They can get power, wealth, and status.
Sadly, that has created more of a degradation of society. The opposite of progress. The family unit has broken down. Extended family networks and support are rare. Community itself is rare and people largely have to fend for themselves as individuals in an individualistic focused world-view.
We still have not seen American society and culture embrace feminine qualities and characteristics. We have never seen mothers and wives elevated to hero status. We have not seen nurturing, giving, and self-sacrifice appreciated as social values. As a country, we do not applaud stay-at-home moms for the contributions they make to our communities.
I think that is sad. I think that is a glaring error of the so-called feminist movement. I don’t think what we have realized as a society can even be called feminism. It’s not. It’s just more masculinity and patriarchy cloaked in disguise.
#RealFeminism is when society truly embraces women for the uniquely feminine qualities and values they bring to the table. That is what I am for… #realfeminism
29 comments on “the problem with feminism”
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The Honking Goose 
Oh by the way I love your picture I still breastfeed my four-year-old
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It’s not mine, it’s a free-use image. Very beautiful.
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Great article.I was raised by a single mother and all I heard on my life was that I had to be successful so I wouldn’t depend on a man. That became very ingrained in me and has taken a toll in my marriage. It wasn’t her fault. I I am still working on taking steps back and accepting my husband as the provider of our family
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My mom said the same thing to me, about a million times. I have only ever worked part time while raising our kids. But I am still young and I look forward to having a more serious career when our kids are grown.
Also, I understand why our moms gave us that advice, they wanted the best for us.
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A refreshing perspective, one I am afraid to make as a man.
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Probably a good call. Even I have been corrected and firmly disagreed with for my statements here.
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Very interesting post. You’re right – we don’t applaud women who are stay at home moms, but rather women who “do it all “- high paying career, beautiful house, as well as having kids. But more importantly, women are expected to do all these things and never let them anyone see us sweat. Thank you for posting this. Wish you the best – speak766
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Thanks for sharing!
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Very interesting point about feminism. If only we could just accept and respect and most importantly support people for what they chose to do with their lives, whether that is more feminine or masculine. I agree with you in that women don’t get supported for doing more traditional feminine things, but then again the definition of feminine is changing all the time. I think it’s about time for people to focus on the supportive side of feminism, which is to help men in things such as getting appropriate paternity rights and women to find more equal opportunities in the work place. I’m currently running a campaign blog about feminism and our relationship with the term. I hope to cover topics such as this in the future because I feel its a very well rounded approach.
you can find me at fminism.wordpress.com
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I’m afraid I disagree very strongly. What feminism tries to do is erase ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’
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I don’t think that’s true. I’m a feminist and I don’t want to erase ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’. That would be like saying, let’s blend together yin and yang, we won’t have either one, we’ll just have grey. That’s nonsense.
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I feel, that masculinity and femininity are labels for stereotypical male and female behavior, and I don’t think
anyone should be stereotyped. Why can’t everyone be who they want to be, without being labelled as something? And if I’m being honest, then I think it’s stupid to compare the yin and yang to masculinity and femininity because I don’t think that they should be viewed as opposite ends of a spectrum.
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Well, yeah, I see your point. I think we always need labels to talk about abstract concepts and communicate with one another. And I think it is much better understood now, and accepted, that men can have ‘feminine’ personality traits and women can have ‘masculine’ personality traits and that doesn’t make them any less a man or a woman. And as our perception of those things evolve, so does our definition of what is considered ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ changes or even begins to be erased. So I guess, yeah, maybe I do partially agree with your first point after all.
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Yeah I get where you’re coming from, and I think that some labels may be helpful but frankly I feel that labelling habits, actions or objects as masculine or feminine serves no purpose. If anything I think it makes it harder for people to accept who they are. But that’s just my two cents. I enjoyed reading your blog 🙂
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Could not agree more!! Feminism is turning violent and needy rather than just a voice for equal rights!
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Sad, but true.
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I’m not sure I agree with you entirely. If you look at history and current day there are many great women who are hero’s and successful, and had families. You might not like them all, but how about Hilary Clinton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Margaret Thatcher, JK Rowling, Aung San Sui Kyi, Rosa Parks
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Those are heroic people. Not heros for doing inherently female things. I think Harriet Tubman and Mother Theresa are better examples of people who are heros that embody female values.
And yeah, I don’t agree with me entirely either, because #realtalk feminism has accomplished a good deal that is very positive. 🙂
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yes they are, but I was looking for females who had been successful and had a family
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Which values do you see as specifically female values?
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It wouldn’t be right to say there are ‘specifically’ female values or qualities. Because men do possess those qualities and values too. And vice versa.
Many women value family the most, while many men value career the most. Obviously there are women who most value their career and men who most value their family.
Yet, while women are respected for having a career and no family, it’s still not very accepted for men to raise their family, but not have a career. Because society never said we need to place MORE value on the work women do at home raising their families. We need to compensate/reward women for their contribution. Instead, society said we’ll reward women for leaving the responsibilities of family in favor of their career.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could figure out a way, regardless of sex, to compensate/reward people for doing a good job of raising children, for example? Because children who are the products of good parenting will grow up to contribute to their community rather than be a burden to it. It is complicated though… because of population. We really don’t need to incentivize people having more children.
It’s so complicated. 😉
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I agree with rabbiadar. When I was a girl, women could not get credit cards in their own names. Everyone assumed that women were to be paid less than men for the same jobs. Men assumed that sexual harassment of female employees was a perquisite of their jobs. In graduate school I was told not to marry because I would only get pregnant and spoil my career. Women now take so much for granted and we assume that our success is all due to our own merits, when in fact it is built on the shoulders of many brave women who went before us and insisted on equality. *That’s* what feminism is.
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Totally good points. Feminism has accomplished a great deal that is very positive. I shouldn’t have said that it didn’t. I was wrong. Feminism has made many positive impacts. And also has so much further to go. I would like to see feminism redefined with the perspective of how far we have come.
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I am going to have to disagree gently on this. I was born in 1955. When I was a little girl, women could not have credit in their own name. In some states they could not own property. I remember being told that it didn’t matter if I could do math, that girls were “naturally bad” at math.
My beloved grandmother was regularly beaten by my grandfather. She had no legal recourse other than divorce, and divorce was so heavily stigmatized that she simply accepted the beatings and did her best to hide them.
Feminists worked hard to get women the right to own property, to hold credit, to have options when they were beaten and abused.
Shoot, when I was a little girl women could not wear slacks in some places – they were not allowed! – even when they were the most modest option.
I remember my mother telling me that I would belong to my father until I belonged to my husband. Sure, my family was conservative but they were not that far out of the ordinary. I am grateful to feminists – without them God only knows where I’d be.
I could not have been a rabbi before the feminists. I would still be in an abusive marriage (if not dead.)
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You are completely right, and I don’t disagree with you at all. My opening statement that feminism has accomplished very little, well, that’s clearly not true. I need to walk that back. Feminism has accomplished a lot, as you have so eloquently stated. And also, we have a long way to go, still, in terms of #realfeminism. Thank you for the thoughtful comment. And hopefully, for not judging my statements too harshly… 😉
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You have a good point that our culture does not value anything traditionally feminine. I think that the essence of feminism is that women can make a choice without being penalized, whether it is to succeed in traditionally male avenues or to focus on caregiving. Feminism has accomplished a HUGE amount, but it is not enough. We still have a long way to go and certain attitudes are very difficult to shift.
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Great post. I think the Danish society has the most egalitarian/feminine (meaning compassionate, cooperative) culture. The U.S. has a long way to go. And I love that breastfeeding picture. We need to normalize the role of mother and using our breasts for what they were created for (MILK!), not push-up bras and skimpy clothing, Rant over! 🙂
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I have great disdain for the Gloria Steinem, Ms. magazine type of bullshit feminism that wants women to be able to do all of the power grabbing, wealth accumulating, and otherwise competitive things that men in our society traditionally have done. The true feminists I have known are the ones who can and will put me in my place when I cross them while at the same time are able to love people and show compassion. Just as with males, that requires an absence of fear, role playing, and envy. We all need to keep working on those things.
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Amen! Love this. We have yet to see women celebrated as women, just being women. Sadly what we’ve done instead is rejected the color pink, made the feminine undesirable,and implied that women only have worth and value if they behave in a masculine way in a masculine world.
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